The Wedding

On Tuesday, June 14th,2011, my son Jonathan proposed to his girlfriend Ashley. My mind is drawn to:

... a wedding.

I'm 19 years old. I have never been on my own and now I'm standing in a small bathroom getting ready for a wedding. My wedding. The thoughts racing through my head include and are not limited to: "What am I doing?"…"My family should be here with me." (more about that another time) … "I can't do this."… "I have to do this" … "so many people have traveled to be here."… "Why isn't Mike here with me? … "Why didn't I just go to Texas with Mike and Marie?" " (more about Mike and Marie in another post) … "Dad and Mom should be here" … "No, I have to do this".. "It will be embarrassing if I back out."

My best friend, Mike and his wife Marie have just moved to Texas to help out at a church there. It was too far to travel back, and Mike couldn't be my Best Man. My buddy from work, Sammy stepped in and filled the job. Sammy is different than most of my friends. Mainly because he does not go to church with me. He is loud, funny and brutally honest for a nineteen year old.

Sammy and I met my first day at work nine months earlier. Our job was simply to count money in a bank vault. A lot of money. Millions of dollars in cash each day. You know those movies when a robber goes into a bank and walks out with $10,000.000 (10 Million Dollars) in small bills in a brief case…well it's impossible! $20,000 (20 Thousand Dollars) in twenties is about the size of 10 DVD cases put together. $1,000,000 in twenties would 50 of those. It would barely fit into the back of a van. Anyway, back to Sam…

Sam's words "Dale, you are nuts for getting married so young!." …"You don't know this woman."…"it's too soon, you just met her"… "Dale, walk with me to the car and we will drive home to Chicago right now." And of course, being afraid of hurting someone's feelings..I ignore Sammy.

I'm excited about all that is going on. I'm dressed in a white tuxedo. I'm tall and skinny and I'm walking across a muddy field to get to the grove in the forest where the wedding is happening. I keep looking back to see if any of my family or friends have shown up. Yes, Sammy's here. Pastor and Mrs. Thacker are here. But I really don't know anyone else. I'm lonely. Sammy says, "Dale let's get out of here!" We stay. The preacher say's beneath his breath to me and my bride during the service "you can get out of this anytime before the vows." I stay. I get married. (More about the wedding…perhaps another day) Photos are taken. People are heading to their cars so they can get to the reception.

I think to myself: "This has nothing to do with me." … "This is all about the bride."…" I'm just fulfilling a role." … "Another guy could be here just as easy to fill this role." (Yes, I said "Guy"…at this point in my life I do not feel like I'm a "man") I'm afraid and uncertain, but I do not regret being here. I'm looking forward to the days, weeks and years ahead with my bride.

What's going on! ...A monster truck has arrived! Me and my bride are going to be driven around town in the back of it. We get in back and wave as drive through town….the driver thinks it's funny to hit every bump and swerve to make us bounce around. My thoughts are on my parents… "Mom and Dad, I'm sorry this happened this way"…I'm lonely …my thoughts are interrupted by the driver bouncing us about. The bouncing cause's my bride's wedding dress's zipper to bust and the dress is coming off at her shoulders. The cars behind us in the parade are honking and laughing. I think to myself…"This will be a great story to tell our kids someday." But in the moment I'm drawn back to the reality…I feel alone.   My friends and family should be here.

Do you ever feel alone when surrounded by people? I know this one thing for sure: No matter how alone I might feel...I have a God that is always present and always caring.   We are never truly alone.